Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
