When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
