She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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