i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
