I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
