dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
