I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
