saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
