I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm both gender and math confused
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
