Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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