I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
