If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
