I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
