If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
