I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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