We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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