Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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