Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
