mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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