I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize