Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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