I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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