She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
