Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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