some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
