My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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