I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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