I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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