The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
