pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
