so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pants are for mortals
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize