I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
