Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
