I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
