I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
