She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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