no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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