just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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