i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
