Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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