If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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