Please, let me fuck your mom
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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