I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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