the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
