Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i think i have two assholes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
