dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
