I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
