Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
