Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
