hell yes lets make some ravioli
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
