we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
