this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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