Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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