did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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