Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
