After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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