Michael Bay diarrhea
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
