I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
