I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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