Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
