I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
