Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't deserve a penis
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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