Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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