I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
