Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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