Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
