I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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