I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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