so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
