Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
