my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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